Losing Your Memory
by alexcullen1
Summary: Song fic. Ties to 2x12. Damon with hints of Delena. R&R!


**Hi, everyone! It's been a long time since I've written anything. Life has been kicking my ass. But here is a new one-shot. It has ties to 2x12: Rose, one of the best episodes. Ian Somerhalder, you are an acting god. He was incredible in the last scene. This story is Damon's POV. It started as something different, and then it ended up as, so I'm sorry if it's confusing! It is a song fic, with the song Losing Your Memory by Ryan Starr. It was used in an episode, if you haven't listened to it, go listen now. Hope you all enjoy this!**

**Love, Alex**

**PS. Check out my other stories, and I'm starting a new multi-chapter fic after I post this one, so the new story will be up shortly!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! If I did, there would be more Ian Somerhalder in the shower. **

**Losing Your Memory**

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory... now

Since 1864, my life has been about the kill. The hunt. The need for blood to survive. I hate this. I hate the urge to kill. Compulsion only takes the pain away, makes me seem like the good guy. I'm not the good guy. I _can't_ be the better man. No matter how many times _she_ asks me. I take away memories. I've taken away _her_ memory.

Call all your friends

And tell them you're never coming back

Cause this is the end

Pretend that you want it

I attacked a girl tonight. Her name was Jessica. She seemed like a nice enough girl. Her blood tasted like tequila. Not my favorite taste. But it was drinkable. As I pushed the body away, I heard a voice call "Damon?"

Shit, Elena.

Don't react

The damage is done

The police are coming too slow now

I would have died

I would have loved you all my life

"Damon? What have you done?" She asked as she got closer.

"Not your problem Miss. Gilbert." I replied.

"She's dead, isn't she? You killed her." Elena accused near tears.

"It's who I am!" I yelled back.

"You aren't this person. At least, I didn't think you were." She responded.

She pulled out her phone, ready to dial 911 and the police.

"It's no use. She's dead." I said.

'_The lengths I would go too, to love you.'_ I thought as I went to dispose of the body.

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory... now

Where have you gone,

The beach is so cold in winter here

And where have I gone,

I wake in Montauk with you near

It's cold. There's ice on the water. I hold a tumbler of alcohol. I've got no idea what kind anymore. But it's numbing. And that's what I need. To be numb. Not feel. I don't want to ever feel again.

Remember the day

Cause this is what dreams should always be

I just want to stay

I just want to keep this dream in me

I thought back to all of our "good" times. They couldn't really be considered good. But she was smiling. I longed to touch her. I wish I hadn't played with her memory. Part of me wishes she knew. The other, sane part knows it will never be. The littlest part of my heart wants to keep the hope alive. My brain knows it, but hasn't communicated that fact to my heart yet.

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory...

I love her. The only time it's ever hurt to compel was when I compelled her not to love me. Compelling doesn't, shouldn't hurt. But it did. Saying those words "I love you, Elena. But I don't deserve you."…It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder then being turned or watching the girl I loved get incinerated in a church, only to realize she was still alive.

Wake up, it's time; little girl, wake up

All the best of what we've done is yet to come

Wake up, it's time; little girl, wake up

Just remember who I am in the morning

I miss my humanity. I miss it more then anything in the world. But Elena needs to understand that just because she asks me to be the better person, I won't. I thought back to when she asked me to be the better man back in the bathroom at the Grill. I got lost in the memory, "You need to stop doing that. Assuming I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking."

I can't be who she wants me too be. End of story. But I love her. And she will never love me. I need to lose these memories. These memories that haunt me. That will haunt me all of my long un-dead life.

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory now

You're losing your memory...

Your memory is lost.

FIN

**Hope everyone liked it! Please review on your way out!**


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